breathalyzer

i stop. i breathe. i stop to breathe. i stop breathing. i drown in the weight of all of my unfulfilled self-fulfilling prophecies. the blackness swallows me. my joys become dim and murky. i gasp for air. i inhale pain instead. i inhale. i inhale. deeper. deeper. i stop.

foreign affairs and affairs with foreigners

the true meaning behind foreign affairs, in all of its glory:

Monday March 12, 2007
Guardian Unlimited

Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was found
drunk and naked apart from bondage gear.

A foreign ministry spokeswoman said a search was under way for his
replacement.

Tsuriel Raphael was found by El Salvador police two weeks ago in the
yard of his official residence, according to Israeli media reports.
After the officers untied and ungagged him, he told them he was the
ambassador of Israel.

The foreign ministry spokeswoman said the reports were true but stressed
Mr Raphael had not broken any laws. "We're talking about behaviour that
is unbecoming of a diplomat," she said.

Mr Raphael had served for six months as the ambassador in El Salvador
and for several years at different missions around the world.

The embarrassing affair is one of several involving Israeli diplomats in
recent years.

In 2000, Israel's ambassador to France died of cardiac arrest in a Paris
hotel under circumstances the foreign ministry refused to publicise.
Media reports said he was with a woman who was not his wife at the time.

Last year, Israel replaced its ambassador to Australia, Naftali Tamir,
after he said Israel and Australia are "like sisters" because both are
in Asia and their peoples do not have "yellow skin and slanted eyes".

In 2005, Israel cancelled the appointment of a diplomat to Australia
after it was discovered that he had published pictures of nude Brazilian
women on the internet while on a mission in Brazil.

single female looking for single cactus-like man, with or without the stubble

a regular guy walked through the doors of the flower shop. the regular guy had concerns about finding a low-maintenance plant for his apartment that needed little light and probably little love. i wondered if he chose his girlfriends the same way.

if owners are likened to be similar to their pets, i wondered if it rang true for people's choices in plants, or for that matter for anything purchased as an extension of a person's id. i for one, have killed living objects under my care, including cacti, but excluding mold. mold is like one of those nester-type daters. after one or two dates, it's ready to move in with its dirty laundry and streaked underwear. upon discovering mold, i simply throw it out.

looking at things and their owners, i realize that time and time again, certain generalized characteristics do seem to ring true:

-- porsche owners seem to be middle-aged men with a bald man's ponytail (before the bosley hair growth kit infiltrated the infomercial market);
-- cats seem to be aloof and the owners, well, catty;
-- dogs need to be nurtured and adored while the owners love the unconditional love and need to be needed.

but to go back to all things botanical, in my choice of plants, i tend to go for cacti or long stemmy plants like ginger plants. they are minimalist and have the appearance of being low maintenance. but like the men i dated, i realized that the plant/man (plant-man) needed love, attention, and the occasional watering. preferably vitamin water and fine wines. evidently all flowering plants need a lot of light and care. these are the metrosexuals of the plant world: a pleasure to look at and are sensitive to their environment. then you have those frisky bad-boys of the plan world that are permanently horizontal and sire miniature versions of themselves on the run-- runner plants like the strawberry. ladies, beware.

i never stuck around long enough to find out what type of plant the ordinary guy in the flower store bought. an ordinary plant, perhaps?