underground uglies

subway etiquette. various publications like new york magazine and the subway chronicles attempt to demystify the "pinky raising-while downing-jello shots" and "remove your wooden leg to make way for pregnant women" rules of engagement for the population of new york city subterranean commuters. there are definite no-no's when transiting publicly, but half the thrill of riding mass transportation is the opportunity to give dirty looks, make snooty remarks and push people "accidentally". subway rage swells up in one's bosom with the standard misdeeds of elephant caretakers bringing their herd aboard for a cultural outing to the natural history museum; anyone that suffers from big balls syndrome--though it may be a medical condition, having balls that swollen that one would need to sit with legs splayed 3 feet apart actually shames aspiring underfed olympic gymnasts; people who are in denial about the real size of their bottom and try to squeeze their zipcode worthy territory into scarce seat gaps.