list of me

it's my birthday month. in the fabulous life of my ego, celebrations usually extend throughout this month and onto the next. i love birthdays because people have to be nice to you and give you gifts for making the same mistakes at a more advanced age. what a perfect world. in order to commemorate my upcoming birthday, i thought i'd put up a factsheet for the unordained.

freckles: i'm not irish and i don't have red hair, but yes, if i was a dog, i would be a dalmatian. there used to be a period in my life when i would lie awake at night because my brothers told me that they would take a permanent marker and connect all the dots on my face or map out the constellations, while i slept.

superheroes: well i always admired letterman because he could leap capital t's in a single bound. at 5'2" that seems like a grand feat.

food: being from asia, we people eat everything. the crazier sounding the better. i was in vietnam 2 years ago and came across deep-fried tarantulas in the local market. that i couldn't do, but i am usually open to most parts and a varied array of species of rock, paper, scissor, animal, plant, and mineral. i'm not very graceful at eating, mind you. my clothing usually ends up tasting more of the food than i do. no wonder my father tried to send me off to an english boarding school to polish me off. oh, or keep me locked up in the closet when guests came around for dinner. it all makes sense now.

hands: i have the dry rough hands of a carpenter. must be something left over from my reincarnated days.

accent: american but affected, depending on whom i end up engaging with in a conversation. i seem to be a chameleon when it comes to accents. i speak burmglish and jive when i try to impress.

$19.95 set on sale: i like sets. they seem to make sense in this disordered world. i feel like the world is manageable when i wear matching socks and use most of the knives in my butcher block for their correct purpose.

teeth: i have real teeth. but i was always fascinated by my grandparents' dentures, and the fact that i could stare at them in their inactive state in a glass filled with water. i think secretly i want dentures.