all about united nations peacekeeping but were too afraid to ask

i have finally succumbed. i am officially boring. i remember back in the days of when i tried to keep abreast of being young and hip, i found charlie rose very old-fashioned and someone i would only invite to dinner if i had babies around the house that would need to be put to bed without the assistance of drugs (considered child abuse in some countries). now my days of being hip refer to my ever-expanding hips. AND i found tonight's charlie rose interview with the un undersecretary-general for peacekeeping, jean-marie guehenno, a fair overview of the dilemmas of peacekeeping.

worth a salute and a watch. and an extra shot of botox. "http://www.charlierose.com/"

New Yawk Barbs

this is dreadfully un-p.c. and with the sonic speed of gentrification, probably not really that accurate. but hey, you ain't here to read the new york times, honey. so for the new york in all of us, throw some attitude and make fun of everyone that isn't you:


"Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the New York market:

"Staten Island Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at The Staten Island Mall. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummytuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"Bay Ridge Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"Lower East Side Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills)...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Upper West Side Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

"Bensonhurst Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.

"Sunset Park Barbie"
This brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Ken out of Bay Ridge Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top.

"Park Slope Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Park Slope Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

"Red Hook Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"Greenwich Conneticut Barbie "
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.

"Greenwich Village Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts."

love bug hachoos

l'amour, l'amour, l'amour. 'tis the season of love and all things smoochy. i'm no expert on the subject, qualified by the mere fact that i have attempted to write this blog entry multiple times.

so much peer pressure emits from the media to be in love or lust of one form or another for february 14th. i'm happy to wish happy valentine's day to my girlfriends and workmates, but going out on a valentine's date seems massed produced and packaged like a happy meal. and you don't necessarily get the toy surprise inside.

everyday reminders of my bachelorettehood pervade and try to persuade me that being single in my 30s is like having leprosy. everything from my google home page to my monthly periods remind so not so subtly that my eggs still have not found a tenant. the real estate market is tough in nyc.

my mother updates me weekly on the status of my future husbands. since i'm not very successful in the dating scene and not helping her along in her quest to have grandchildren, she decided to hire a professional matchmaker. of course she rattles off characteristics of attributes she wants in a son-in-law without my blessing: "doctor, rich, good-looking" fits the bill for her. i update her weekly with my exotic stories and decisions to either dedicate the rest of my life to buddhism and become a buddhist nun (and therefore get none); pay a tribute to anna nicole smith and date people at least 50 years my senior; or apologize for not having sent her an invite as i've been married in utah several times over to my other father/uncle/brother/dentist.

though my mother gets more anxious each day with my lack of marriage proposals, i am consoled with the fact that jude law is still single (because he hasn't met yet) and that the real housewives of orange county (www.bravotv.com/Real_Housewives) have relationship problems too outside of their conundrums on the size of their next breast implant.

the relationship thing just alludes me as i have fallen in love with so many incredible meals i have consumed, or hot pair of shoes i have come across. but falling in love with another person just seems confusing despite all the books out there on amazon.com. i don't have cupid as one of my homies, but a chocolate souffle and a pair of jimmie choos will do just fine for now.