buoyant lust

Another quality article from Mosnews:

Participant of Sex Dolls Rafting Tournament Disqualified For Sexual Abuse of Apparatus

A participant of a sex dolls rafting tournament has been disqualified for sexual abuse of an apparatus, Zizn’ newspaper reports. Igor Osipov was not able to keep in his sexual desire, even in the cool water of the Vuoksa river near St. Petersburg. Over 400 “sportsmen” took part in the Bubble Baba Challenge tournament. “It’s fun and difficult to swim 1200 meters in stormy river with an exotic apparatus, as inflatable ladies slip out of hands”, tournament organizer Dmitriy Bulaviniv said. At a juries’ command participants jumped into the water. Strong wind and flow snatched out resilient dolls from strong men’s hands, and only Osipov,40, resolutely approached to the finish. “I was shocked, I think it was an expression of his great desire to win,” Osipov’s friend said. The jury then noticed Osipov’s strange position and told him to moor. When he came out of the water, gazers saw signs of recent sexual activity on the swimmer’s doll.The jury found the swimmer guilty of sexual abuse of the apparatus and disqualified him. Air sex dolls can be used only for swimming, organizers say. The first tournament took place in 2003, sponsored by a number of Russian sex shops.

dandruff: one who always ditches or flakes on your group activities

i just discovered the marvels of the urban dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com. it's a slang dictionary which is defined by slangers, a democratic version of the oxford dictionary for procrastinators, the clueless, or people who have been living a hermetic life in a cave for the past zillion years.

you will find enlightenment and raise your coolness factor, ready to attend the next mtv party without your mother.

"english" is defined as: "a language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages and rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary".

it's a good site to check out just before christmas in case you may insult your prudish aunt millicent and let it slip that santa has been ho ho hoing, i.e. that santa was out with three prostitutes after a night of overdoing the eggnog.

underground uglies

subway etiquette. various publications like new york magazine and the subway chronicles attempt to demystify the "pinky raising-while downing-jello shots" and "remove your wooden leg to make way for pregnant women" rules of engagement for the population of new york city subterranean commuters. there are definite no-no's when transiting publicly, but half the thrill of riding mass transportation is the opportunity to give dirty looks, make snooty remarks and push people "accidentally". subway rage swells up in one's bosom with the standard misdeeds of elephant caretakers bringing their herd aboard for a cultural outing to the natural history museum; anyone that suffers from big balls syndrome--though it may be a medical condition, having balls that swollen that one would need to sit with legs splayed 3 feet apart actually shames aspiring underfed olympic gymnasts; people who are in denial about the real size of their bottom and try to squeeze their zipcode worthy territory into scarce seat gaps.

from russia with love, babushka

Perusing today's newspaper headlines might bring all those sensitive types close to tears and incite political idealists to shake their heads despondently: "Africa Adds to Miserable Ranks of Child Workers"; "Violent Civil Unrest Tightens Hold on a Mexican City"; "Cruise and Paramount sever ties".

There is an article that might have gone undetected, had it not been for Shoehorn Aficiando Magazine or Shoesalespeople Gone Crazy Weekly, brought to you in the local Russian online newsmazine, MOSNEWS. COM. http://www.mosnews.com/news/2006/08/23/shoehorn.shtml

2 Egyptians Use Shoehorn to Dig Tunnel Under Russian Border

Two Egyptian citizens have managed to violate the Russian state border by digging a tunnel under the barbed wire fence with a simple shoehorn. After getting lost on the territory of Poland the Egyptians performed the trick for the second time and got back to Russia to face arrest. The Interfax news agency quoted the Russian Prosecutor General’s report as saying that the two men were aiming to get to Western Europe via Russia. They obtained a tourist visa and flew to Moscow from where they hitchhiked to the Polish border. Investigators have established that the Egyptians used a shoehorn to dig a tunnel under a barbed wire fence marking the border. However, the two men got lost on the Polish territory. When they faced another barbed wire fence they thought they already were on the German border. With the same shoehorn they dig another tunnel and crawled back to Russia. The violators were detained by border guards and sent to the Egyptian embassy in Moscow by train. They got off the train in the West Russia city of Smolensk, hitchhiked to the town of Sevsk on the border with Ukraine and were detained again while trying to violate the border. Now the Egyptians face trial in West Russia’s Bryansk Region.

Moral of the story: next time, mapquest your destination.

benefits of membership

your shameless plug could appear here. further inquiries and generous bribes welcome. especially the generous bribe part.

today's featured artist for your viewing pleasure can be found at the site: http://www.lydiadushkin.com/

an exposition of catholic social teaching or discussions on the profundity of the human condition transposed in negative space ain't gonna be found here. to experience the use of abstract artsy jargon spoken in an affected accent, lisp free, please refer to the second sentence in this posting. pay particular attention to the terming of the phrase"generous bribes". credit cards and burmese kyats not accepted.

new york dolled up

new york, new york. what a slinky dress seductress. the city is chock-a-block with confessions of its love affairs. the bastard children have taken on the name of its inspiration: the new york knock 'em sock 'em coffee breath attitude, the brooklyn dodgers (whom ran away with the name and are now living in sin in california), and the new york dolls.

the new york dolls, a seminal band for the making of future cross-dressing, pom-pom haired glam bands like hanoi rocks to the angry saunters of punk bands like the sex pistols and their anthems of social alienation. http://www.nydolls.org

these fathers of musical invention played for free on friday night at southstreet seaport's pier 17. http://www.seaportmusicfestival.com/ to prep for the show, i donned on heavy black eyeliner and patent leather red stilettos, in the same manner a boxer ritualistically wraps his hands before a match and an atheist high school senior prays before opening up their college acceptance/rejection envelopes.

my friends and i couldn't name any new york dolls hits, but with my panda eyes, i felt secure enough to pose like a rock star and funnily enough, gnaw on some tender bamboo shoots before i left the house.

the crowd was a motley grouping of accidental tourists, wall street suits, mtv assembly line twenty-something year old punk wannabes, and aging rockers accessorized with their kids perched on top of their shoulders. the crowd spilled out onto the streets and onto the balcony restaurants of the shopping centre, where one man paid $1500 for his table, as we were told by the manager as he shooed us away.

the sound system was terrible and the claustrophobia alert was set to code red. there was a moment of uncertainty about whether i had stumbled across a live rendition of pirates of the caribbean with the frontsman, david johansen, in rocker/pirate standard-issue eyeliner and pirate hat. the lack of girls toting "i heart you johnny depp" banners reassured me that i was indeed witnessing founders of protopunk, not protohunk. with the energy from the band and that of the crowd, the new york dolls certainly proved that they were new york's doll.

purr like my ego

i just got contacted by some random person on myspace, inviting me to rate him on the 'who likes u' website. http://www.wholikesu.net. it's a copycat site to the 'hot or not' site. http://www.hotornot.com/. you rank people from a scale of 1 to 10 and can meet up with the hottie if there is a mutual burning, provided that you are not in hell yet or suffering from a urinary tract infection.

being superficial can guarantee hours of fun. brains and functioning body parts may be sold separately.

biological car bombs and other truths you were too afraid to admit

i had two separate but parallel conversations with two 30+ year old single male friends of mine within the same day about aging.

as my 3o+ male friends vouch, once 35 arrives, the biological car bomb hits and your life flashes before you, regardless of gender and ethnicity. it's interesting how at 35, you are a new advertising demographic. you are damned to listen to easy listening and adult rock, or banished to ordering a lifetime subscription to healthy stool times.

the wild and crazy 18-34 year old studs and studettes we once knew ourselves to be are buried beneath literature on retirement plan options and ads for viagra. i now spend my friday nights buying sensodyne toothpaste and shaving down my calloused worker feet rather than buying the economy pack 3-for-1 special consisting of condoms, pregnancy test kits, and a gallon of tequila.

with regret, farewells must be said to the buns of steel which will turn into upside down cake and that girly figure prize now goes to my ikea lampshade.

but we do get to look forward to the fact that our 20s have been flushed down the toilet. now we can make all the same mistakes with more maturity. and we are all that more closer to senior citizen discounts, nightly bingo nights, and understanding the truths of using a tea cozy.

heat waves and body waves: the good life gets gooder

the heat wave is officially over, so say the weatherpeople (not to be mistaken with the villagepeople). do not be fooled though, it is still hot and sunny--perfect days for lawn games, gin and tonics, and skin cancer. skin cancer specialists must be secretly sponsoring the hole in the ozone. but then again, without all these environmental fears, and fears in general, life would be a world of daily temperance. not for me, says the young heroine, sandarlicious. i always thought i was born a rock star trapped in the body of a humanitarian.

i have been trying to re-establish my holiday mantra calling for a rigorous schedule of: waking up, drinking, and eating elaborate fancypants meals. there was a threat of a city-wide blackout the other day-- in actual fact there were borough-wide blackouts, but the entire city was not affected. while my workmate decided to leave early and pick up spare batteries, a flashlight, and water, i decide to pick up 3 bottles of white wine, scallops, and shrimp. if i was ever shipwrecked, i would certainly be the howells in gilligan's island. in a life-threatening scenario, demand prosecco as i always say (not really, but i will mull over this brillant notion).

as for the photos napping in my camera, they are rather lackluster. a citygirl trying to take photos of nature just does not seem to work. the fact that i saw a wild flower that wasn't grown at the local delimart seemed to overwhelm me at the moment. the photos do not. i will stick to buying my $10 delimart flowers. nature and its documentation, i will leave to the sir david attenboroughs of the world. but i bet you he doesn't know how to boogie like i know how to boogie. yes, captainess boogie at your service, if you would please.

All the News That's Fit to Print and the Style That Be Yours Truly

Alright you cheap bastards, cough up your overdue homage. You know who you are: out there with your free email accounts and free meals had at the supermarket sample stations. You spruce up for dates with the perfume rubdown inserts found in fashion magazines. Of course you never actually BUY the magazines, it's all about the rub and run, you CHEAP DIRTY bastard. You read my blog and leave me nothing--no comments, no meanings, but only a stack of dirty dishes in the sink. You make me feel like I am missing out on something that I could have learnt about had I read all the issues of Teen magazine and listened to more of The Eurythmics.

It is therefore time to renew your subscription to Sandarlicious. In light of a recent surge in coolness and a lack of supply in humbleness, your current rate of chilled adoration will no longer be applicable. Only teen-spirited blind idolatry will suffice.

No hands style--it's the New York Times Sunday Style page and me. Just when you thought that you couldn't take me home to meet your mother. Your mother will now have to talk to my agent.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/30/fashion/sundaystyles/30boite.html?ref=fashion

***

Boite
Dancing in Sandy Shoes

By MELENA RYZIK
Published: July 30, 2006

HOT DOGS! Two-dollar hot dogs!”

That is the late-night rallying cry from the vendors at the Water Taxi Beach, which is less of a beach and more of a pier jutting into the East River in Long Island City, Queens, with 440 tons of imported sand.
But with beer, epicurean snacks (unlike the tofu dogs, the elk burgers pretty much sell themselves) and a killer view, it is a near-perfect spot for a night out. It is especially crowded on Saturdays, when there are D.J.’s, dancing, and even some wayward acrobatics at a new gathering called Rebound. Organized by a few downtown D.J.’s, it is intended as an after-party to the Warm-Up series, another D.J.-and-dancing event at the nearby P.S. 1 Museum.

“This is almost better than P.S. 1,” Ryan Sloan, 30, said as he and a friend, Sandar Hla, absorbed Midtown’s glow. People were turning cartwheels, making out and dancing barefoot. A family of ducks floated by; a group of friends buried themselves in the sand. It was as close to a love-in as Queens is likely to get. Why, then, is it only near-perfect?

For one thing, it is in a hard-to-find spot in a borough not known for sophistication. Or as Hiram Bonet IV, a truck driver from Richmond Hills, put it, “There’s no chi-chi-pooh-poohness.”

Well, there didn’t used to be.

“I thought it was going to be full of hipsters and cool kids, and it is,” said Myles Kane, an editor from Williamsburg.

Would he prefer fewer cool kids?

“I guess so,” Mr. Kane, 27, said, sighing, “but what the hell am I?”

To be fair, hipsters aren’t the only ones who have discovered Rebound. “You have your Hamptons crowd, your bridge-and-tunnel crowd, and children break dancing,” said Ms. Hla, 30.

She took in the water, the skyline, the elk burgers. “It’s like sensory overload,” she said, “the moment you fall in love with everything all at once.”

Mr. Sloan added with a grin: “I don’t know how we get home, but other than that, it’s great.”

It’s about to get better. Starting Saturday, a night ferry will shuttle partygoers between Rebound and East 34th Street in Manhattan. It’s $6 each way and takes four minutes. Which is actually pretty close to perfect.

Rebound
Second Street and Borden Avenue, Long Island City, Queens.
GETTING IN Admission is free; check directions at www.watertaxibeach.com.
DRESS CODE Bare feet and bikini tops.
D.J. LINEUP Includes Tim (Love) Lee, Metro Area, D.J. Spun, Justin Carter, and Probus.
SIGNATURE DRINK BlueTini (fresh blueberry and ginger-infused gins, dry vermouth), $14.